HAPPY THANKSGIVING! This morning I woke up to an empty house. My teenager is spending the holidays with her dad and the rest of her family in Memphis and my little one escaped to Mommy Del’s house last night because Mommy Del and Larry let her do just about anything she wants to do and it’s the Holidays! Lol!
Initially I felt overwhelmed by the silence of my home when I woke up. It is not often that a single mom doesn’t celebrate the opportunity to have a little alone time. I have been no different over the past couple of months when I find myself without children staring me in the face, asking me fifty questions, talking incessantly, begging me to take them places and trying to climb in the bed with me at night when all I want is a couple of hours of silence. So, why was this morning different? Why was I feeling teary eyed and alone. Lying in bed, drinking coffee, I began to explore where these emotions were coming from. After all, in a couple of hours my house would be full of folks, talking, eating, laughing, and just enjoying one another. So, why was I feeling blue during this golden opportunity of silence? Then it hit me, this is the first time in twelve years that I have awakened to a completely empty house on Thanksgiving. The absence of my family as I have known it, which included a husband that spent all night preparing turkey , brisket and whatever other crazy request we had for our Thanksgiving festivities, was causing this sudden rush of emotion on an otherwise peaceful day. The absence of the routine that we had come to master because our hectic careers had caused us to cherish the family time that we got during the holidays caused me to feel anxious. And while I had told myself over the past two weeks that I could single-handedly maintain the routine and traditions that had become a part of me, the reality was I was overwhelmed.
As I lie there working through these feelings it suddenly dawned on me that despite the fact that there would be no fried turkey or brisket on the table, despite the fact that I would be celebrating the holidays as a single mom, I had maintained the one tradition that truly mattered, the ability to provide an environment filled with love and happiness. And, while I felt really sad about the death of the routine we created, I was even more excited about my life now with all of its new opportunities and infinite possibilities.
So, today I am thankful for this time of self-reflection. I believe that the ability to examine and embrace emotions and feelings makes me a better person. I am thankful for every day that I get up and get a chance to live, truly live. I am thankful for the woman that I am, and, am becoming. I am thankful!
This afternoon my house will be full of people who share one common purpose, to live peacefully and be surrounded by people that simply care. Isn’t that the true meaning of living a life fulfilled?
And, while the Thanksgiving elves did not deliver Thanksgiving dinner to my home as I wished, my family and friends more than made up for it. After my trip to the grocery store I had nothing to do to prepare for this wonderful day. What more could I ask for!