I was doing it again. Ignoring the inner voice that was screaming something was off. Like many times in the past, I ignored that inner voice because his words made me feel so good at a time when I was so vulnerable. Still slightly off balance by the abrupt ending to my relationship with my “Keeper”, I mistook this man’s entry back into my life as a sign. A sign that I had chosen the wrong path when I chose to open myself up completely to the friend that eventually became my lover.
Sitting on my couch, taking some time to reflect and finally listening to my inner voice, I knew. I knew that I was turning a blind eye and going along with the BS simply because I did not want to admit that I had gotten it wrong once again. Tired of my role as the passive participant in his game of “manipulation by way of dishonesty”, I sought the truth.
Within an hour I was able to fill in many blanks and get answers I had been seeking from him for some time. Growth in me was evident as I noticed the unfortunate truth did not send me into an emotional tailspin. In fact, finding the truth had the opposite effect on my psyche, I had an overwhelming sense of relief and peace. So, while my Prelude to a Kiss journey did not end as a fairytale romance, I was, and am, appreciative because the journey helped me to experience more growth as a person.
Do I still hope there is a companion out there in the world for me? Yes I do. But right now I am taking time to learn to trust my inner voice. As a result, I am back to experiencing that peace and joy I initially found following a difficult marriage that required me to “Dig Deeper”. And, while I did not make a love connection with my “knight in shining armor”, I definitely made a connection far greater than I could have ever imagined. I reconnected with my inner Queen, adjusted my crown, and embraced the wonderful gift of life that has been bestowed upon me.
P.S. You can blame my inner Queen for the one day delay in Prelude to a Kiss IV. I have been busy exploring and taking in the city of New Orleans during my “mecation”. I hope you won’t hold it against me.